i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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