i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
