I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
