Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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