My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
