apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
