hotel room ftw
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
