Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
