so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
