They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
