You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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