Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
