Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
