Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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