Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
