hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
