I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
