Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
