i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
