I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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