A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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