dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
