You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
