I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
