wakey wakey hands off snakey
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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