All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
