wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
