Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize