I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
