your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
