I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
