we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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