I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
