I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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