just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
