You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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