i barfeds in our rink
you win again, gameday.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
