his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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