so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
