my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
