my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
