I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
