There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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