There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
