True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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