At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
