I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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