I bet he comes in French.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Operation Purity has been aborted
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
