I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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