Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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